What Does Gaslighting Mean?
If you have been a victim of gaslighting in your marriage, you probably do not understand what it is. Many people mistakenly believe that it is physical abuse. There is a difference between gaslighting and abuse and we will get to that in a moment.
Gaslighting is a term that comes from the movies and is an extreme form of psychological or emotional abuse. The victim has had a prolonged pattern of denial, where they think that their partner is out to get them, that they are somehow wrong for feeling the way that they do, and that they are being unloved, controlling, or manipulative.
It is not a form of abuse but the person who is slighting the victim may feel that they are in a relationship because they are afraid of losing control. When you are slighting your partner, they cannot seem to recognize when you are lying to them. They become so numb, that they can’t even recognize when you are being genuine. The only way to tell is to make them realize what you are doing. Then, all hell breaks loose!
When your partner feels like you are playing some type of mind game with them, then you are probably making them think that you can control them. This is very dangerous to the health of any marriage.
If you are the one who is the gaslighter, then you need to be honest with your partner’s life and explain to him/her that you want to put some distance between you, and you do not want to see them anymore. You do not have to get upset with your partner, if you want to leave them, or try to take them back at a later time.
When you are slighting your partner, you may say things such as, “I’m leaving you to make my own life,” “You don’t know what I am capable of,” or, “You are always nagging me about everything.” Your partner may feel that they are in control. They think that you are going to leave them and that you are doing this to manipulate them.
The worst thing that you can do is to have a negative reaction to your partner’s reaction. They may call you crazy or hurtful. But you are not.
Gaslighting is very real and can happen to anyone in a relationship, and you can end up hurting them in the process. Be sure that you are in control of the situation and that you have not lost your temper or gotten too emotionally involved. You will not win back your husband/wife by doing this.
When you begin to notice some negative changes in your partner, then you know you are being manipulated. They will start to avoid you as much as possible, and will not talk to you. At this point, you can either do something about this situation, or you can find a better person to be around.
When you find out that you are having this conversation with your spouse, be sure that you do not show your anger. if your spouse tries to argue with you. It is likely that they will try to convince you that what you say is true and that you need to listen to them.
Your husband/wife will soon find out what you are talking about. You should never get into a confrontation with them if you feel that you are not at peace with your situation.
Do not confront them about what they are saying to you, even if they are wrong. If you do confront them, you will just make them think that you cannot control yourself. and that you are controlling the situation.
Once you are sure that you are dealing with an emotional affair, then the best thing that you can do is stop acting like a victim. If you want to save your marriage, then you will need to stand your ground. and tell them that you do not want to see them anymore.
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